Mock-A-Meme 20

Beautiful like me.jpg

Which is entirely inspiring to the rest of us who are not beautiful like her.

Million men.jpg

Seeing as I’m only beautiful like me, I’m willing to give this a shot. I don’t even need a million men to tell me. I’ll settle for, I don’t know, fifty? Okay go!

Oh, hang on, do I have to be in her particular state of undress for the occasion?

Taylor.jpgAnd you know who that princess is? Taylor Swift, who made her fortune singing lovelorn songs about men.

Also, in meme-world, there’s no such thing as a confident yet gracious woman. Either you’re a limp noodle or you’re a bitch. And either way, you’d best have a decent figure.

Worrying

So no need to worry about the fact that you’re sitting on an uneven pier, wearing only a towel. You probably won’t fall in till tomorrow.

Man Dream

Friend who sent meme: …And not do stupid stuff. Or at least not lose our balance while doing stupid stuff.

Me: I was trying to think of a comment to follow up yours, but yours just captures the moment so well.

Friend: Moment is right. That fleeting moment where you convinced yourself you are, in fact, the ultimate powerful great dreamer. And then your foot slips.

And in the hustle and bustle of the undreaming city below, nobody even hears your final, gravity-induced scream.

Me: I don’t think you’re going to be hired to write memes.

Mock-A-Meme 18

Turns out there are a lot of memes needing to be mocked, and I guess it’s up to me to do it.

But what is Mock-A-Meme, why is it on this page, and what happened to #’s 1-17?

Here’s the deal. About a year ago, I ran a regular series on another blog in which I would collect memes and make fun of them. It was like a big party every Monday. Or, you know, like a mildly amusing text from a friend.

I moved a lot of fun stuff over to Mockameme.com; but then the novel took up most of my online energy.

Still, friends have continued to send me mockable memes. I went through my files today and found a significant backlog. It’s the holidays, I thought.  A time for frivolity, joy, and mocking stuff. (I made up that last part.)

I started a new post, only to discover that I’d uploaded all the pictures onto this blog instead of my other one. Faced with the prospect of moving all those files again via my slow netbook, I made a decision: Mock-A-Meme would work just fine on my author blog.

So here you go. Some good old-school Mock-A-Memes until I use up my current supply. Enjoy!

Falling Off Shirt

And honey, that even includes the person who stole your shirt and your bra and left you with only a resuable grocery bag to wear to the beach.

Dragon Scale Ring

You can tell she’s strong-minded because she’s wearing a dragon-scale ring, which is the universal symbol for “strong-minded woman.” Either that or “I have no need to bend my third finger.”

WomanWalkingAway

But walking away is hard to do, people. First you’ve got to get a dynamite figure, then you’ve got to buy a filmy white dress, and then you have to go to a beach and practice mincing. (And… is that an elf ear she’s got?)

Also, in meme-world, social conventions dictate that you have to bare one shoulder at the beach. It’s really embarrassing to show up fully dressed.

Brunette Friends

God will, of course, provide you with friends who are all your same age, height, and hair color.

Terrible decisions

She’s got enough terrible decisions going here to make an alphabetized set of books. But okay, I admit it. This one made me laugh.

Mock-A-Meme 19: Undercuts

One of the most endearing qualities of the meme, especially ones about women’s empowerment, is that their pictures distract from, or sometimes completely undercut, their own message.

They almost always involve women in various states of undress.

I am, therefore, compelled to mock them.

Devil Says

But… she’s not up. It’s an epic takedown by origami paper cranes. “The birds of the air shall peck out your eyes… but, you know, budget cuts. We can afford only paper cranes to chew on your toenails.”

Bitterness

You could even find yourself mostly naked and caught in what looks like a tarp made of spider webs. Count your blessings!

Like Me

Because now I’m looking for my pants. Honey, where’s my pants?

Mama Glue

Heck, if I had been able to lie in a comfy bed with a happy baby back and no other kids demanding my attention, I’d have totally rocked that “glue” thing too.

No pants

Nobody said you were weak. We just suggested you might want to sleep on one bed at the time. And nobody said you were giving up! We’re sure you’ll find your pants if you just keep looking.

Mock-A-Meme 1

Facebook is overrun by memes promoting Women’s Empowerment. They’re easy to spot, these memes: they have some kind of message about breaking free from social expectations and appreciating the joy of just being a woman — superimposed over a picture of a cute and/or sexy young woman of near-perfect proportions .

I’ve collected several of these memes, and for the next few Mondays (or whenever I think of it), I’ll showcase them here for you. I’ve even helpfully pointed out the underlying message of each one. You’re welcome.

Gift to God

God prefers you to become a petite redhead who can wear a cute polka-dot dress (with proper undergarments so the breeze doesn’t compromise your dignity), with a rainbow umbrella and heels. Nice legs a plus.

 

Precious Gifts

Especially if you are young enough, and your neck and shoulders are sexy enough, that you can wear an off-the-shoulder dress for the photo shoot. Also, you need to have one (1) cooperative child who can wear white and won’t yank the dress down.

 

Backless Gown

Be who you are! People will love you. Assuming that who you are is a tall, thin woman who can wear a backless evening gown.

 

Feeling empowered now? I sure am! Just as soon as I lose twenty pounds and change out of this thrift-store tshirt and shell out $100 for a new color treatment for my hair. And let’s discuss a gym membership too. It’s glorious being a (cute, thin, and sexy) woman!

Mock-A-Meme 2

Today’s memes extol the joys of being by yourself. Preferably if you are young enough and have a hot enough body, that you know you can always get company if you really want it.

Single

Even if you have to be alone, it’s all worthwhile if you can wear a size .05 dress with spike heels. Great legs always a plus. Also: what in the heck is that on her wrist?

Meme1

Who couldn’t love her own company with legs like that? And the flat stomach and little black dress — frankly, if I looked like that, I’d find myself irresistible.

Vibrations

Or you could just forego clothes altogether. Nothing makes you one with the multiverse like going naked, but nature prefers you to have beautiful skin and, yup, nice legs.

You may wonder why this is such a big deal. The answer is… it’s not! I just like making fun of things, and it’s Monday. On the other hand, memes depend on imagery to produce their desired emotions; and this imagery tends to lean heavily in the direction of impossible female beauty. Meaning that we unconsciously associate impossible female beauty with peace and happiness.

Just a thought.

Mock-A-Meme 3

It’s Monday again, and I have more mockable memes on hand. Let’s discuss the happiness and freedom that a woman with clear skin and a good figure has.

Fairies

Okay, this one is kind of a cheap shot. It’s pretty much pleading to be mocked. But still, notice that the message, looking at it in a holistic way, is “And we prefer the company of women in short dresses and long legs. That = happiness.”

Beach

No, wait, my mistake! All you need for happiness are people and memories! Just make sure that at least one person in your life has enough money to afford a vacation like this. Also, you should have only one (1) child. (This meme is a departure from the rest of my theme of beautiful womanhood, but like with the one above, I couldn’t resist its desperate pleas to be mocked.)

Woman

And my clothes are falling off in the middle of the highway! Good thing I have stunning shoulders and look good in boots.

Torn down

And her clothes are gone entirely, leaving only her bra. The image contributes to the message of the meme in some way that couldn’t possibly be “gratuitous glimpse of young woman in a bra.”

That finishes my gallery of mockable memes, except for one more that I think of as The Creepy Organic Meme, which I’ll feature next Monday. I know, it’s hard to wait a week for these posts — but I’m making memories in your life, so at least I know I’m contributing to your happiness!

Mock-A-Meme 4

Disclaimer: If you recognize one of these memes from your own wall, of course I didn’t get it from you. I got it from somebody else.

Memes about food rank second on my list of mockable subjects, just under impossibly-thin women. I’m just not that passionate about food, and a meme attempting to convert me to a food crusade is just asking to be parodied.

So I get a particular kick out of this one. It purports to be a Food Meme, but it features a Romantic Sexy Woman, all combined into one of the creepiest memes of the year.

Apple picking

Observe:

1. The generous view of cleavage.
2. The strange gauzy dark mass from under her skirt.
3. The man observing her from behind with a proprietary air.
4. His clothes and her clothes, which are not from the same time period.
5. Her clothes are sexy. His are not.

Taken with all the other elements, the caption is implying that SHE is the organic food. The apples are just to tide him over till dinner.

This ends my original collection of memes. However, obliging friends keep sending me more examples. It’s entirely likely that I’m not done mocking. Lucky you!